Reckless Love

Wowowow this semester is going by so quickly. There’s so many changes that happened and the first month barely ended. It’s so funny to look back and see how much has changed. I moved dorms and got new roommates, I’ve figured out what to do with some of the toxic things in my life, and etc. The Lord has been really faithful with me throughout it all. I’m so overwhelmed by how much love He’s given me and continues to give.

I made a promise this year that it’ll be the year that I focus on God and have no distractions. It has been really difficult though. He tests me and the devil tempts me to fall into temptation, but I know that I can do all things through Him as long as God is my cornerstone because He gives me the strength that I need to have grit.

There was so much going on lately and there were a lot of interruptions, but I know those are also a part of God’s plan in my life. I was really overwhelmed and stress from all of the things that were going on so I ended up going home one day early. Being home calms me down. It makes me rethink about life. The pace at home is slower than the fast paced life in SoCal. I really needed this break to rethink about life and stop to take time with God.

Being able to rethink about the things in my life made me realize how much plank that were in my eyes. I’ve talked to my close friends about the things that were going on in my life and I’m so thankful for them because they keep me accountable so I don’t fall astray from the Lord. I learned that I need to have more humility, learn to set boundaries, guard my heart, and forgive myself from my mistakes. Sometimes my pride gets in the way of my spiritual growth especially when people give me advice. I’ve been learning to set my pride aside and actually apply what I learned from other people’s advice. I need to set boundaries because I’ve been giving my all to people that don’t really appreciate it. It’s a bad tendency of mine to go big or go home when I love people as God loves me which leads to guarding my heart. I’ve always thought that I need to love my neighbor as myself, but sometimes it leaves me with a broken heart because no one is perfect so everyone is bound to disappoint me. Even I disappoint myself sometimes and if I disappoint myself then of course other people will do the same because they’re also human like I am. One of the main reasons why I’m always stressed is because I always think of what I’ve done in the past and regret it. I need to learn how to move on and forgive myself as God forgave me. It’s just really tough, since I know I could’ve done better because God doesn’t give me challenges that I can’t handle, but I also need to move on and let myself free from the guilt and shame I’ve been carrying. If God forgave me, I should also forgive myself and learn from it to do better next time.

Oh man, it’s crazy to see things from a bigger perspective and I haven’t even seen it all. I pray to God that I’ll keep abiding in Him and that I won’t lose my focus because there’s so many distractions in this world.

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